Today, I visited the grave of an old friend. And I am way too young for that sentence to make any kind of sense or be any kind of fair. Here’s a letter to her:

Dear Aeden,

I never really planned on coming back to this town, for all of the reasons you know all too well. But ironically, if it ever were to happen it would have always been to visit you. Before you passed a few months ago, I never would have thought it’d be a visit like this, sitting here by your grave.

Since you left, I’ve thought so much about our relationship. There was a period of time when we spoke practically everyday, and saw each other almost as much. Then life just got to being life.

I remember the day you told me and some other friends you were diagnosed with cancer. It was 2020 when all of us still had no idea how the world was about to change. It couldn’t have been more than a couple weeks later that the whole world shut down. And shortly after, I moved to a different state, then a different country.

We kept in touch, but life was just different. The love and the sisterhood was always there, but we drifted to checking in once or twice a year.

When you died, it had been about nine months since we spoke. We had tried to meet up but it just hadn’t worked out and we decided to leave it til the next opportunity.

When I heard the news, I immediately felt the weight of our distance, of the months that had passed since we spoke and the years that had passed since we embraced. Your death was so devastating for so many reasons and for so many people, and I was bewildered.

But in the days and weeks that passed, I was overwhelmed by the grand demonstrations of the mark you left on this world. The legacy of love and friendship you left with me was the same legacy of love and friendship you left on an entire community. I couldn’t be here for the celebrations of your life, but even witnessing them from afar warmed my heart.

As I drove through Sardine Canyon today, and got closer to your resting place, I was hit again by a wave of disbelief. Some places are just never the same without the people that light them up.

I’m so grateful I finally got to come visit you today, after all these years. It’s been a long time coming. You changed my life in inexplicable ways. The world is a bit dimmer without you here, but the light you shared will shine forever.

Love always.

Signed,

N.A.